Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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