It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it was like eating out sand paper
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
