i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize