i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
