I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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