he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
