just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
