Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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