How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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