is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
