Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
