im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize