I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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