True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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