Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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