9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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