You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
