What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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