32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
