Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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