just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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