Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
