Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
