the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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