Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
