i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
