Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
