Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
