i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
