I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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