HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
