he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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