I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize