thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
