I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
