Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just got carded by a ten year old.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
