Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize