his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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