two words: eviction party
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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