dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
