New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
