Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
