i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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