just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
