What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
