I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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