Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
