2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
