LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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