why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
