How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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