mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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