Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
