I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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