Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
