I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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