Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
