I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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