I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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