I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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