I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
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