Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
