I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Randomize
