I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
