Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
