Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
