it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
