The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
