How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize