just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
