I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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