Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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