I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
