Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
