He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
