Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
