I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
